LIT SHIT: March

SPRING HAS SPRUNG. And yet, here I sit in the middle of Snowstormville, IA, typing away at the coffee shop I used to work at. Hello nostalgia! Also hello snow, what the f are you. Seriously. It feels like the North Pole here. I must say I’m pumped to be wearing my favorite turtle neck today though. God, I love a good turtle neck.

Moving on. We made it through another month and as per me swearing I’m going to start holding myself accountable, that means I gotta do one of this weird review things to talk about shit that is lit…or at least I think it is. Can I get a drum roll? Or at least pretend you’re even a little bit excited to read these.

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RELAXED. The Now in Silverlake. First of all, I had never been to Silverlake, which is apparently the hipster capital of Los Angeles. Now I’m by no means calling myself a ‘hipster’ but…..how the hell had I made it that long without exploring over there??? I also wore fake wire rimmed glasses so I could blend in with the hipster-folk. So this little boutique spa is aesthetically crafted by the Instagram and zen gods. It’s beautiful. All white walls, plants everywhere, minimalist design and not to mention that it smells incredible. As I said in one of my previous posts, I made the goal to take time to do one self-love-esque activity each week. This was my pick for week one of March. I got a 60 minute deep tissue massage and dammmmn did ya girl have some KNOTS. The Now really knows how to set the mood.

They gave me some water and led me into this heated room with swinging benches and faux fur blankets and once my masseuse was ready, I followed her back into this long hallway with an extremely high ceiling riddled with low-lit lanterns hanging ever-so-perfectly. I basically had to shackle my hands so that I didn’t grab my phone and take photos of it all for the gram. I was trying to zone completely in for once. I left feeling great and had even managed to snag a few photos of the waiting area while I made friends with the two chicks at the front desk on my way out. Bottom line, if you haven’t checked out The Now, do it. They have locations all over LA including West Hollywood and also Studio City but you can check out the other ones on their website I linked above!

REFLECTED. Wisdom Tree. Alright so let me start by saying, THIS HIKE IS HARD. Especially for people who are unapologetically clumsy in nature (me). I struggled so hard to find my footing through the bouldery inclines and sharp drop offs, but hey I lived to tell the tale. It probably didn’t help at all that I came to meet Carsyn at the base of the trail directly from finishing booty day at Barry’s. Yowza. IMG_2184But worth it. We both needed a morning to disconnect from our digital lives and enjoy nature and a great book. I brought my journal up there cause it had been a hot minute since I had written an entry. Carsyn just stated reading You are a Badass (READ IT IF YOU HAVEN’T). We spent about an hour and a half up there. Wisdom tree is cool cause there’s this box where people write stuff and then leave it in there. Because I’m nosey as hell, I struggled to not read everyones’ notes but I restrained myself. I can only imagine the secrets people stick in the box.

BAWLED. Love, Simon. After Carsyn and I finished our morning at Wisdom Tree, we headed to go see Love, Simon. It is so good you guys. I probably cried for about the last half of the movie. For those of you who don’t know, it’s about a high school aged boy who is gay and has been hiding it his whole life because he is unsure of how to come out to his friends and family. Growing up, I had a lot of extremely close friends who lived this exact life. I thought this movie provided a pretty raw look into what that must have felt like for them. Ouch. This really tugged at our heart strings. Not to mention, the soundtrack is incredible. But I’ll talk about that more a few bullets down.

GROOVED.  Like a sexy human Claude Racine’s class at Edge. Yooooo. We learned a dance to Rocket by Beyonce. Which literally starts off by saying “Let me sit this @$$$$$$$$ on ya” so you can probably imagine the nature of the combo we learned. I’ve been trying to stretch myself when it comes to performance and committing to a character and this class just felt so good. Claude is cool as hell and teaches in such a relatable and real manner. I’ll definitely be back soon.

SURPRISED MYSELF. at Nikki. I had my first actual audition in front of an artist this month. That artist was Nikki Minaj. Lol yeah excuse me while I shit myself. Got to spend about 6 hours with my Clippers chica, Kylie.IMG_2267

SPENT. $25 on an entre at Mercado. HOLY SHIT CARNITAS HEAVEN. This is self-love activity numero dos. I can’t say I’ve spent that much money on a meal in a lonnnnng time but it feels good to be able to do that for myself when I want to. It’s a trendy little Mexican style restaurant in West Hollywood off 3rd street. I went with Carsyn and they set us at a two-top table by a fireplace. Ambiance points!!!! They for sure thought we were on a date though L O L. We started with the chips and guac and can I just say HOLY GUACAMOLE. I am a guac fiend and this was definitely top 5 level.IMG_1891 Carnitas are their specialty and since that’s literally one of my favorite meats, I couldn’t say no to that. Basically it’s a hunk of TENDER AF meat served with escabeche on the side and corn tortillas. And Carsyn and I split a side of mashed potatoes because we were really going for it. Pair that with a few spicy margaritas and boom, you have the perfect way to spend your evening. Dessert was Coconut Bliss non-dairy ice cream and an Eating Evolved coconut butter cup (AKA MY FAVORITE THINGS EVER, if you’ve never taken any of my recommendations this is the one that I promise you you should take). Where did I fit all this food you ask? That, my friends, is a question I will never be able to answer.

DRINK DRANK DRUNK. Bottomless mimosas at Mama Shelter. $20 for all you can drink mimosas. This reminded me of college where you can literally die on $20 worth of drinks (hello dollar-you-call-its). Obviously we had a little more self control than my college self probably would have but ooof did they sneak up on us. We started here for St. Patty’s day with some brunch and then ventured up to the rooftop. I’m so excited to come back once it’s a little bit warmer outside. I spent my time on the rooftop under a heater and blanket cause I’m fragile and California has ruined me.

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TUNES. Listened to Amy Shark, Exes. Alright, I said earlier in my blurb about Love, Simon, that I would get back to talking about the soundtrack. This is where I discovered Amy Shark. The song ‘Sink In‘ is one of my new favorites. This song punches ya in the gut. Not to mention it’s totally in my vocal range and my latest obsession when it comes to belting (and recording myself) in the car. Also if you haven’t checked out Exes yet, I highly recommend. She just released a song called ‘Over‘ (also one you may need your tissues for). SO so incredible.

OUTFIT REPEATED. Leather Jacket. Yeah this is no secret so I won’t dwell on this point too much. I feel like every time I feel cool enough to post an Instagram story of myself I’m wearing this stupid thing. I truly don’t know how I got by without it for as long as I did. I could be wearing a workout outfit but throw on my (p)leather jacket as a head out the door and instantly level up my life. I got mine at Urban Outfitters…pretty positive that all of Los Angeles owns the same exact one but it’s fine.

READ. Tiny Beautiful Things. I just bought a bunch of self-help books based on suggestions so THANK YOU to those of you that tossed some my way. This is the first of the group that I dove into. I’m about 100 pages in and I’m already in love. Basically it takes a bunch of advice column entries from Dear Sugar and complies both those and their responses together for a beautifully crafted series of stories and lessons on love and life. I love non-fiction books that I can apply to my own life, but I also love the story-telling quality that fiction books have. Because of that, this is such an easy read for me because it’s both. It’s all true little stories that are 100% applicable to life’s trials and tribulations.

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I spent the end of the month the best way possible, with my family. The perfect way to recharge. April’s gonna be a good one.

Alrighty friends, until next time.

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“When I ripped…..my pants” – SpongeBob

It is no secret that I had the breeziest of weeks. And by that I do not, in any way shape or form, mean breezy as in easy. I mean breezy and in actual breeze. Like a gust of wind where you typically don’t feel it. Meaning I freaking ripped my pants. Not once, but TWICE. Back to back days, ladies and gentlemen. Now THAT takes talent. Who the HELL does that. It takes me back to the last time I ripped my pants trying to show up a boy in gym class…..in 2nd grade. That was mortifying enough but, as an adult we’re talkin’ a whole new level of cone-of-shame-ness. So, without further ado: the story of me channeling my inner SpongeBob.

So, here I am. Minding my own business at work, wearing my favorite BDG girlfriend fit jeans from Urban. I used to wear these puppies basically every single day. They’re incredible…and I thought they were durable.

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THEY ARE THE CUTEST. This was taken a mere 12 hours prior to the catastrophe

Until this week. Luckily for me, I was on my way out of work when disaster struck. I had scooped up my stuff from the back (including my denim jacket THANK GOD) and stopped by the bathroom before returning home. I did the good ole thread your fingers through the belt loops, bend your legs and yank trick (you know the one). I have probably done that a million and one times in these exact jeans. Tell me why this time I hear a giant RIIIIIIIIIIP. Even just typing that literally sends chills down my spine. And not in a good way. God, I wish I could recreate the noise on this blog post because it was BRUTAL. It sounded like someone working on a production team had hijacked the bathroom as their own personal studio and played a sound effect called “extremely exaggerated ripped pants noise.” But, unfortunately for me, it was real. All too real.

So I’m thinking no way did that just happen. I turn around and SURE ENOUGH THERE IT IS. Starting at my waist band and going all the way down to the back of my knee cap, THERE IT IS BABBBBY. And not only was the rip incredibly visible. So was my ass!!!

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There she is. 

Wooo!!! What a way to walk around Cafe Gratitude!!! I basically just froze for a second, stared at my bare butt in the mirror and tried to troubleshoot while simultaneously trying to figure out how to conceal my laugher so people don’t think I’m a psychopath laughing hysterically in the bathroom alone. Enter my denim jacket, my mf savior. Like a true pro, I tied it around my waist and walked out of the bathroom with tears in my eyes from laughing so hard. I also gotta mention that I was basically dragging one leg behind me like a dead leg because I wasn’t sure if my jacket was covering my entire ass and I was horrified of the alternative possibility. Just picture that for a second.

In typical me fashion, I felt the need to tell everybody I saw what had just happened. I feel like when shit goes wrong in my life, I just make a joke out of it rather than actually deal. I realize this isn’t the healthiest way to deal with problems and I’m working on it, give me a break. The next chapter of this story comes with my gas tank being on E. IMG_2228So I had to stop at the nearest sketchy ass gas station (aren’t they all??) and get gas in the condition that I was in. And it was windy. And the denim jacket around my waist blew around a bit and it was all embarrassing and super super great. But, hey I survived….

ONLY TO COME BACK THE NEXT DAY AND MANIFEST THAT SHIT TO HAPPEN AGAIIIIIIIN. Fist thing I did when I got to work the next day was make a joke about ripping these jeans as well. And since I put that out there, the universe turned around and gave me a big ole middle finger. Now, I must say that the second pair I ruined are definitely older. I got them from this little boutique I used to shop at in Iowa City, called White Rabbit, probably three years ago. They’re stretchy and I knew they were nearing their final days. But I haven’t been able to get rid of them. Man, those jeans and I have some memories.

Yet again, though, I’m getting ready to leave work and I do the exact same thing!!!! It’s the freaking belt loop wiggle around pull up you guys!!! DO NOT DO IT. She is a dannnngerous move. This time, the sound was less horrifying and I was a bit less shocked. Probably because I was so desensitized from yesterday’s extravaganza. I did not, however, have anything with me to cover myself with besides my work uniform t-shirt…which, thank god, fits me like a dress because I’m short as hell.

I drowned my sorrows by buying 2 new pairs of jeans the following day. Both of which are the same brand (one even the same style) as the denim that ripped the first day. I would like to take this time to mention that I also have gone down a size in jeans since I purchased the ones that ripped. So we are 100% not sure why this happened. Or why bad things happen to good people. Or why I thought it would be smart to buy the same faulty jeans twice. Or why spending $145 in denim replacement is a good idea between paydays. Lots of unanswered questions here. But one thing I do know for sure is that ripping your pants at 22 is slightly (incredibly) more awful than it is in 2nd grade. History repeats itself and manifestation is a real thing people. If you would like to donate to the Holly Reimer ripped pants denim replacement fund lmk.

 

 

 

A guide to rerouting

I ended February in a bit of a funk. I found myself feeling disconnected, a bit down and completely insatiable. The worst part about it is that I couldn’t figure out why I felt any of these things. Clearly things weren’t going the way I wanted them to go…but how did I even want them to go in the first place?

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#relatable

I was sick of feeling negative (because I truly believe that you get from the world what you put into it, and no one wants negativity mirrored back at them), so I was racking my brain for a way to figure it all out. I’m learning that I’m a pretty complicated individual and should probably apologize to my parents, friends, past flings or anyone else who has ever a had a “what the f are you as a human” moment with me because same. I’m having one with myself currently. You’re not wrong.

I wanted to share what I did to work through it because it’s proven to be pretty effective for me. First and foremost, please realize that t’s completely normal to feel a little off from time to time. I am such a huge perfectionist that I have a hard time recognizing that. I want every day to be the best day ever and often blame myself if life doesn’t always feel like Disneyland. So accept it. Sure it doesn’t make it suck any less, but step one to moving forward is definitely acceptance. Acceptance, but not complacency. Don’t get stuck in a rut or valley. If you are able to realize somethings up, take matters into your own hands and begin rerouting yourself to work towards a peak, and hopefully a plateau, again.

Alright. So I got comfy, lit some candles (currently really into grey flannel), made a pot of coffee and opened up a word document on my computer. I love to write when I’m on like a cup number three of coffee buzz. Plus my fingers can type in hyper speed. I put them to use by making a list of things that I want- some of them tangible and some of them more abstract. Since I was feeling unsatisfied, there were obviously things in life that I, either consciously or subconsciously, wanted or felt were lacking. I tried to not let myself think and just freely type until I genuinely couldn’t think of anything more. You’ll probably find yourself struggling to come to terms with a bulletpoint here and there BUT for the sake of getting out of your head, try try try to turn off your noggin.

Once I finished my list, I took a second to read through everything. I was pretty surprised by some of the things that made their way onto the list. Some made me laugh, some made me cringe and some were as stupid as a Gucci belt. But like…I definitely want a Gucci belt so whatever. The cool thing about free writing is that it tends to unearth some things that you didn’t even know you were keeping from yourself. Next, I went through everything and made even more bulletpoints of how I can attain that particular want. Each and every single one of them. This was a little more challenging, but so crucial in the process of rerouting your thinking. I think people can become pretty miserable when they fixate on what they don’t have in life…which is essentially what this giant want list is. The shift in mindset comes from knowing that there are things you can be doing right now to get there and, most importantly, that the only thing stopping you from getting there is yourself. Woof.

It’s likely that your list is going to be pretty overwhelming. Mine was. So keep in mind that you don’t have to literally focus on every single bulletpoint this week. Pick 2 or 3 that you would like to focus on each week. And HOLD YA DAMN SELF ACCOUNTABLE. If you’re trying to eat better, make a daily food journal. If you’re trying to practice more self love, set aside one day a week to take yourself on a date. If you want to strengthen your connections with people, devote some time on the weekends to call your friends back home. Whatever it is, write it down in your planner, put it on your google calendar, scribble it on your hand, tell a friend so they hold you to it (hell tell ME if you can’t find an accountability partner), etc. I promise you if you do this, you’ll be amazed at what you are able to cross off your want list just by following what you said you were going to do.

Being twenty something is not easy but life feels good when you have goals you’re working towards and stay in tune with yourself.

LIT SHIT: February

Where the hell did the last 28 days go? Went by in the blink of an eye and I think it’s because I was so crazy busy. Lots of cool stuff happened, but my schedule was so packed I feel like I didn’t really take enough time to check in with myself and appreciate much of it. Also. I feel absolutely all over the place right now so forgive me if that’s reflected in this blog in any way shape or form. I also just drank a latte faster than any human being should. Get ready for some scatterbrained writing. You’ve been warned WOO.

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Me pretending I’m not having a quarter-life crisis! Also-check out Joe Ward for all your photography needs!!!

I spent this morning taking some time to try and get my life together by setting a plan and some goals for the next few weeks. I started by reflecting on February. Looking back on the last 4 weeks, it’s no wonder I feel a little psychotic right now. My planner is full of white out, scribbles and a series of me stretching myself way too thin week after week after week…after week. Moving forward with this year, I’m trying to find a little bit more consistency in my life and learn how to say NO when ya girl just needs a break- easier said than done. So. I’m sitting here trying to think of ways I can start to do that and I figured I’d start with Riffs and Raffs. What better way to start than with a more regular writing schedule? Up until now, I’ve kind of just put out posts about random shit whenever I feel like it. Which has been fine, but in the spirit of consistency, I’m going to try to put something out each week of the month, with the last post being a review of some of my favorite shiz from the previous 4 weeks. I figure ending the month reflecting on all of all the good stuff is a surefire way to start the new month on a positive foot. I have also given a name (soft opening in the title of this post, stay tuned for the grand opening in about a paragraph. OH BOY OH BOY!!!).

PSA: I’m writing all of that blabber above to hold myself accountable to this schedule. I’ll probably try and do a few posts and mental/physical wellness, navigating life in LA and some on dance life as well. That being said, if there’s anything you want to see me writing about- PLZ HOLLA AT YO GIRL. If you could not give less of a shit I guess you could also tell me that. I’ll only cry for a few hours.

SO. Without further ado here’s some LIT SHIT February edition. And yes, I am calling this monthly blurb LIT SHIT. Yes, it will always be in all caps. *Cue Demi Lovato’s Sorry Not Sorry*

DRANK. Bulletproof coffee. The addiction is real. I was spending way too much on them every time I went to Whole Foods (which is too often) so I took matters into my own hands and bought the ingredients to make my own. The recipe calls for black coffee, ghee (or butter) and Bulletproof brain octane oil. I also add collagen (I use Vital Proteins) and sometimes a little coconut milk and maca. I throw it all into my nutribullet and blend for a frothy drank that keeps you going for hours, helps you metabolize fat and curbs cravings.

TUNES. I know I already confessed my love for Taylor Swifts new album, so I won’t talk about that anymore…but really it’s great. But I recently found this song “I Don’t Wanna” by a band called the Ivy. SO good from the beats down to the lyrics. I’ve also started making a playlist for each month on my Spotify and have been told I have great taste in music by several strangers (friends) who are completely non-bias (definitely bias). March is still a work in progress but I’ve got lots of good stuff on there and more to come if you’re trying to get some new sounds in your headphones.

ESCAPE. Ojai, California. I need to treat myself to more weekend getaways because DAMN. It was the trip I didn’t know I needed. My friend Arielle turned 25 and a bunch of us pitched in for an AirBnb over there. I forgot what it felt like to step outside and hear literally nothing but birds. Didn’t even know I missed that. It was such peaceful weekend with lots of heart-to-hearts, wine, food, more food and hiking. If you’re in the LA area and haven’t taken a second to escape the tall buildings and build up of trash on the sidewalks in a little while, treat yourself to a quick little road trip to Ojai to recenter and remember that there’s more out there than just Los Angeles.

NETFLIX BINGE. The End of the F*cking World. WATCH IT PEOPLE. I actually watched the entire series kind of by accident while I was in Ojai. We had all come home after lunch and needed a nap but that turned into about 4 hours of wine and Netflixing. It’s a super easy series to finish because none of the episodes are over about 20 minutes long and there are only 8 of them. Basically it’s about this teenager who is a psychopath and wants to kill this girl (she’s actually such a badass) so he befriends her and basically he catches #feelings. There’s a lot more to it though. It’s suspenseful, sad, romantic, funny and also really f*cking weird.

you+are+a+badass+by+jen+sincero+review+the+b+diaries+self+help+book+self+improvement+growth+blogREAD. You are a Badass. I put off reading it for a long time cause it’s such a fad read and sometimes I like to be a hipster about things. But it’s the real deal. I love the voice that Jen Sincero writes in. Kind of reminds me of the tone of my blogs- pretty laid back and casual. Kind of feels like you’re sitting in her living room on the floor drinking wine and she’s preaching at you how to take control of your life. And like, you wanna listen cause she’s cool and also drinking wine.

OVERATE. The Farmer and the Cook. Yooooo. THIS restaurant. Another find in Ojai. It’s this little hippy dippy spot with lots of vegan options, a market place, live music, outdoor seating, juice/smoothie bar and full coffee menu. LET’S GO. What more could you want. I got the Hurrache which was better than anything I have eaten in a long time. I also was blessed enough to consume the best cookie I’ve ever put in my mouth. Ever. I’m not either of these two things but for some reason I got the vegan and gluten free oatmeal raisin cookie. I realize to 78% of you that sounds absolutely awful, but I am not exaggerating when I say I’ve never eaten anything that good. It had this crazy brown sugary mapley aftertaste and ugh I can’t talk about it anymore cause I’m hungry and it’s making me sad.

#FITNESS. In the Yoga studio. As you know by now, I do class pass each month. I used to have a yoga membership at White Heat yoga in North Hollywood and it truly felt like home. I loved the staff and the way I felt walking out of the studio. As hard as I tried to make it work after I moved downtown, I had to cancel the membership. They recommended I go to Evoke yoga downtown and let me know that a lot of the teachers also teach there. Cool. That was in November and I just now made the time to go see what Evoke is all about. It’s about 1.5 miles from my place and I learned the hard way that it’s more efficient to just take an Uber (if I can’t get my ass out of bed early enough to walk) because parking downtown is not a thing. As in I missed my first class cause I couldn’t find a place to park good ole Snoop. I’ve been going to hot flow 2 and am so thankful to have yoga back in my life. Taking the time out of my day to get centered is really beneficial for my scatterbrained self.

These last few weeks have felt a little off for me, so here’s to looking at the positive side of things from February and knowing that it’s only up from here.

And, as always, please please reach out if there are any questions you have for me or anything you’d like to see me write about.

No one threw me a half birthday bash

So if you haven’t caught on by now, I take my half birthday way too seriously. That is, I hype it up way too much and then, more often than not, I forget about it the day of. I don’t know why, but ever since I was younger I’ve had this thing in my head about having a huge half birthday bash with half a cake and half presents…the whole shebang. I think I saw it on a Mary Kate and Ashley movie or something?? Not sure. Anyway, I have yet to live out my half birthday fantasy. Maybe next year for 23 1/2. Or maybe someone will finally throw me a big half birthday surprise party. Let me just throw that one out there into the universe *cough cough*.

This year, I spent my half birthday doing all things NBA All Star. Pretty cool experience. We were lucky enough to be the host city and I wasn’t really sure what that meant until the weekend started rolling. As Clippers Spirit, we were basically on call for the entire weekend and week leading up to the main event. Normally one dancer from each of the NBA teams is selected to represent that squad at All Star. This year, all of Clippers Spirit and the Laker Girls got to perform throughout All Star weekend. Pretty big deal. And since this is my rookie season, we lucked out big time to get to have this opportunity right off the bat.IMG_1163 We performed a collaborative routine with the Laker Girls that we started rehearsing about a week prior to the All Star game. I loved this part of the weekend. We never get a chance to interact with the Laker Girls so it was awesome to meet the girls who represent the other half of LA. Plus they all rock. And to answer your question, no we do not have any sort of beef with them and no girl fights were involved in the making of All Star weekend (sorry). Our style of dance contrasts from theirs, so it was really interesting to see how we can work together to make a routine that showcases the uniqueness and skillset of both squads. And do so on very little sleep.

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Me being festive on V day

Throughout the weekend, our average time spent at the Convention Center or Staples was about 12-15 hours a day *insert sweat laughing emoji here*. Honestly, it was a lot of hurry up and wait. So we definitely had our fair share of downtime (which I should really just call snack time because that’s what 80% of our free time consisted of). In the mix of all of this, Valentines Day (boo) happened as well. And, being the queen of overcommitment that I am, I performed at Posers that evening (or morning?? Our piece didn’t go on until 1:30 am because what even is sleep?). So, in addition to rehearsing for ASW I had that thrown into the mix. Nice!!! Once I pushed through the tired, that ended up being a super fun part of the week. I haven’t had much time to do much performance wise that isn’t Clippers, so being on the stage doing some new choreo (that I learned in the car on the way to tech rehearsal) felt pretty damn good.

IMG_2236Once my actual half birthday rolled around, it was time for the festivities to kick off. Friday we had our debut performance of All Star weekend followed by hours of rehearsal for the upcoming events. Then came Saturday which meant the Celebrity game in all of its eye candy glory. Hello Justin Bieber, Michael B. Jordan, Jamie Foxx, Common and Quavo. We also got to perform with a boy band called 4th Ave.

To be honest, I had never heard of them but performing with a boy band is basically my fantasy so that was a blast. As far as meeting the celebs, Jamie Foxx was super cool and hung out with us for a bit (as seen on my Instagram) while on the other side of things, we probably couldn’t pay Justin Bieber enough money to even make eye contact with us. It’s fine. I’m fine. Next, we performed one of our favorites from this year, Campaign. There is no better feeling than getting off the court knowing your team absolutely crushed it. Our coach came back to the dressing room so hype. That made all of the hours of rehearsal so worth it.

The most surreal part of the weekend was hands down Sunday. We were included in the opening with Kevin Hart, Ludacris, Queen Latifah, Adam Devine, Rob Riggle and Jamie Foxx. It was such a unique experience getting to be present during the closed rehearsals to watch the show come together. Definitely a moment when I had to basically pinch myself and be like “yo, this is your actual life.” How the heck did did I get here?? And might I just add, Fergie sounded a lot better from backstage than she does on the internet. Also saw Cardi B. What.

Girls

I will say that when it came to the actual game, spirit was whisked away to our holding area. I love sports so I was pretty bummed to not get so see the actual All Star game, but getting to see the players and just be in the environment of it all was just about enough to make up for it. Somehow, by the grace of God, I was able stay standing for a few celebratory drinks post All Star weekend AND make it to my 7:45 am shift at work the following Monday. And I held it together juuuuuust long enough to get home and lay down for a nap that lasted 15 hours and had me waking up at 8 am the next morning unsure of what century I was in.

SO. I went another year without having a bangin’ half birthday bash, but I’d say all in all, 22.5 was pretty bangin’ on its own.

Do not sleep on the T-Swift album

FML. I really don’t think I’ve ever wanted to dislike something so much as Taylor Swift’s most recent album. From the annoying names of all the singles that were released to the annoying name of the album: Reputation??? COME ON. IT’S ALL ANNOYING. And don’t even get me started on the music video for Look What you Made me do…AKA the worst song ever created in the history of forever. Yeah. I had decided I was good on never listening to the rest of the album and had committed to frantically changing the radio station if I happened to be so unlucky to come across any of those songs while I’m trying to enjoy my drive somewhere. Heaven forbid.

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Truly horrifying

Fast forward a few months. My friend Grant asked if I had listened to it. And I answered passionately with an “Absolutely not.” He said I was missing out and I just chalked that up to him loving to disagree with me and his tendency to be a dramatic. I mean, the kid is an actor. So then I’m in my car and I feel like belting some bangers (and probably recording myself singing on Snapchat cause that’s another embarrassing thing that I do). I didn’t even know that Taylor had decided to put her music up on Spotify, but I found some ultimate old school T-Swift to annoyingly sing in my car. Great. Life is good and the people who are passing me on the freeway probably think I have some sort of medical condition. I’m cool with it. A few songs in, I accidentally skipped to one of the ones on her new album. Shit. What is this and why the hell do I like it. And the next one….and the next one and also the one after that.

By far the best one is Dress. But Gorgeous, So it Goes, New Years Day, Delicate……I mean she killed it. And I’m pretty unhappy to admit this, but I was wrong. And there are few things in life I hate more than being wrong. But whatever. I’m fully accepting it and have since added most of the album to my saved songs on Spotify. Taylor, you crazy. But job well done. I’m officially converted.

WHAT ELSE IS ON MY PLAYLIST THIS MONTH

  • Pale Waves: There’s a Honey, My Obsession
  • The Cure: Close to me, In Between Days
  • Honne: Good Together, Woman
  • Sufjan Stevens: Visions of Gideon
    • SIDE NOTE. This is the song that plays in the credits of Call Me by Your Name, which if you haven’t seen that movie, do yourself a favor and change that.
  • James Blake: Radio Silence, Put That Away and Talk to Me
  • Frank Ocean: White Ferrari, Nights
  • Junior A: Sleep Machine
  • Drake: God’s Plan
  • Banks: Fuck with Myself, Crowded Places
  • Childish Gambino: Retro
  • Post Malone: Candy Paint
  • New York Movie: Teenage Love
  • Phoebe Ryan: Dark Side (really a curve ball and unsure why I’m so into it)
  • Exes: Sherman Oaks, Memorize, 18

And a bunch of other ones you can check out riiiiiight here!

A blog post not about Whole30!!!!

Okay just one thing: YA GIRL FINISHED. Ok moving on. If my Instagram profile doesn’t make it obvious enough, January has been a crazy month for Clippers (I swear there is so much red and blue happening). With back to back games, appearances, halftimes and added rehearsals let’s just say I’m very thankful I now live a few blocks down from Staples. Now that it’s starting to slow down a bit and the craziness of this past month is coming to an end annnnd doesn’t feel so new, I’ve started to dive back into taking class. And something cool is happening.

I’m beginning to see how much Clippers has helped me grow as a dancer and human in general. Of course there’s the obvious ones like overall skill level, discipline and being able to pick up choreography more quickly…I mean duh, I’m dancing and performing every week those are pretty much a given. But where I’ve noticed it the most, is in my confidence. When I moved here, I didn’t even realize how self conscious of my dancing (and overall human-ing) I was. Am I doing this right? Do I look cool enough? Is it weird that I have a backpack on? Does this make me look fat? What if I can’t pick up the choreography? Am I about to look stupid? Oh shit its a walk sign, hopefully I don’t trip while crossing the street!!!!! All very standard every day thoughts. Like, you guys, I would seriously get nervous to walk into studios to take class cause I was concerned about making sure I didn’t make an idiot out of myself to the person WORKING THE DESK. Whaaaat??

Now here’s the thing: I’m not writing this to say that I am now an expert on all things self-confidence, because that is most definitely false. But what I am saying is that being able to actually see the growth that I’ve made positively affect my life is pretty freaking cool.

Last month I went home for a little bit for the holidays and was able to teach 6 classes. For me, it is so rewarding to be able to give back to the dance community back in Iowa. I remember being a kid and being so excited to take class from guest teachers. I mean I would still stand in the back and be freaking out about if what I was wearing was good enough, but nonetheless….freaking out. Now that I am in the reverse position when I go home, it is pretty surreal. This last stint of classes, one of the students asked me what my favorite performance has been and looking back on this season with the Clippers, one stood out. Kyle.

When I first moved to Los Angeles, I stayed in North Hollywood for the first year with Jordan, Kristyn and Kelly. Jordan and Kristyn were obsessed with this artist that I had never heard of named Kyle. All I knew is that he sang some catchy-ass song about a curly headed cutie who don’t get too many likes. And it was stuck in my head. Always. Actually it was probably stuck in my head for the first few months of living in 362. Fast forward almost a year and I get an email from Clippers letting us know that Kyle and his management team were going to be at our rehearsal because the 12 dancers on that game would be performing with him at halftime in 2 days. OKAY. Obviously I texted Jordan and Kristyn immediately. It just was kind of a ‘full circle’ moment. And obviously I was pumped to perform with an artist for the first time in my dance career.

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The performance was literally my favorite dance moment ever. Not because of the choreography or amount of people in the crowd, but because I have never felt that much gratitude before, during and after a performance. Ever. Kyle was the most humble humans ever and was so complementary of us and just all around so thankful to be there. That kind of energy spreads. Quickly. I just remember sitting in the front, waiting for our cue to come onto the court literally almost crying because how the f did I get so lucky to be surrounded by all of these women who feel the same way I do right now?? That performance definitely ignited a flame for me. Cue 2018 goal number 982742: perform with an artist (outside of Clippers).

How do I make that happen? Obviously getting my ass back in class is a good way, so I’ll start there. Another way to expedite that process is to get an agent. This is something I have been working towards since I moved here. It just hadn’t happened for me yet. I felt like for the last year I had almost been trying to force the process along. I couldn’t confidently say I was ready, but I would go to the auditions, do okay and not hear anything back. Story of my life. I had friends who were getting signed, hearing about all these auditions and booking amazing jobs and I’m over here being supportive friend number one!!! Which is amazing, but I wanted that for myself. I wanted it, but I didn’t believe in myself enough to get it. I’m honestly not sure when the switch flipped but I decided enough was enough. It was time to invest some time into loving myself. I took time out of each day to devote to writing, working out, dancing, going to the beach, even just taking 10 minutes to sit the frack down and play some good music. SOMETHING. Just one thing every day that wasn’t stress-filled and didn’t involve cheese and genuinely made me feel good. That’s when I started noticing a shift.

I was all of the sudden meeting incredible people on the same wavelength as me, finding joy in little things I normally wouldn’t notice, stumbling upon opportunities that were almost freaky tailor-made for me, actually feeling confidence in myself and what I came out here to do. The weeks were flying by and this feeling kept intensifying. I got better at mindfulness and silencing the part of my brain that looooves to hate on myself. She’s a bitch anyway, we don’t need to listen to her.

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What I did have time for is goal-setting so this flow could continue. SO. That’s what I did. First thing I put on my agenda was getting signed to an agency (what I was trying to write about before I got sidetracked 3 paragraphs ago). I gave myself 6 months to do it and was ready to work my ass off to make it happen. In the spirit of flow, it ended up happening within the first 3 weeks of January. I didn’t have to poke anyone’s eyeballs out or bleed all over the dance floor. And what I mean by that is that it wasn’t forced, it just all came about so naturally. Today I officially signed paperwork with MSA and really am still in a bit of shock. I am crazy thankful and can’t wait for what’s to come in this next year.

In conclusion: set some goals, be open, be mindful and DO NOT get down on yourself when things seem to be going horribly and you feel like there’s no coming back from it this time…cause you are. And most importantly, give credit where credit is due aka stay grateful. And also take your own advice @myself.

Life is cool and so are you.