I ended February in a bit of a funk. I found myself feeling disconnected, a bit down and completely insatiable. The worst part about it is that I couldn’t figure out why I felt any of these things. Clearly things weren’t going the way I wanted them to go…but how did I even want them to go in the first place?
I was sick of feeling negative (because I truly believe that you get from the world what you put into it, and no one wants negativity mirrored back at them), so I was racking my brain for a way to figure it all out. I’m learning that I’m a pretty complicated individual and should probably apologize to my parents, friends, past flings or anyone else who has ever a had a “what the f are you as a human” moment with me because same. I’m having one with myself currently. You’re not wrong.
I wanted to share what I did to work through it because it’s proven to be pretty effective for me. First and foremost, please realize that t’s completely normal to feel a little off from time to time. I am such a huge perfectionist that I have a hard time recognizing that. I want every day to be the best day ever and often blame myself if life doesn’t always feel like Disneyland. So accept it. Sure it doesn’t make it suck any less, but step one to moving forward is definitely acceptance. Acceptance, but not complacency. Don’t get stuck in a rut or valley. If you are able to realize somethings up, take matters into your own hands and begin rerouting yourself to work towards a peak, and hopefully a plateau, again.
Alright. So I got comfy, lit some candles (currently really into grey flannel), made a pot of coffee and opened up a word document on my computer. I love to write when I’m on like a cup number three of coffee buzz. Plus my fingers can type in hyper speed. I put them to use by making a list of things that I want- some of them tangible and some of them more abstract. Since I was feeling unsatisfied, there were obviously things in life that I, either consciously or subconsciously, wanted or felt were lacking. I tried to not let myself think and just freely type until I genuinely couldn’t think of anything more. You’ll probably find yourself struggling to come to terms with a bulletpoint here and there BUT for the sake of getting out of your head, try try try to turn off your noggin.
Once I finished my list, I took a second to read through everything. I was pretty surprised by some of the things that made their way onto the list. Some made me laugh, some made me cringe and some were as stupid as a Gucci belt. But like…I definitely want a Gucci belt so whatever. The cool thing about free writing is that it tends to unearth some things that you didn’t even know you were keeping from yourself. Next, I went through everything and made even more bulletpoints of how I can attain that particular want. Each and every single one of them. This was a little more challenging, but so crucial in the process of rerouting your thinking. I think people can become pretty miserable when they fixate on what they don’t have in life…which is essentially what this giant want list is. The shift in mindset comes from knowing that there are things you can be doing right now to get there and, most importantly, that the only thing stopping you from getting there is yourself. Woof.
It’s likely that your list is going to be pretty overwhelming. Mine was. So keep in mind that you don’t have to literally focus on every single bulletpoint this week. Pick 2 or 3 that you would like to focus on each week. And HOLD YA DAMN SELF ACCOUNTABLE. If you’re trying to eat better, make a daily food journal. If you’re trying to practice more self love, set aside one day a week to take yourself on a date. If you want to strengthen your connections with people, devote some time on the weekends to call your friends back home. Whatever it is, write it down in your planner, put it on your google calendar, scribble it on your hand, tell a friend so they hold you to it (hell tell ME if you can’t find an accountability partner), etc. I promise you if you do this, you’ll be amazed at what you are able to cross off your want list just by following what you said you were going to do.
Being twenty something is not easy but life feels good when you have goals you’re working towards and stay in tune with yourself.